inherently different

I appreciate that McCain starts every speech with “my friends” because then I know he’s not talking to me and can stop listening. Defective Yeti Twitter

I have always been an emotional tampon. When friends and acquaintances have problems, they dump their problems on me and often ask my advice. Of the hundreds of times I have been asked for advice, I can count the number of times they have followed through and used that advice to solve their problems on three fingers. Of the three times someone has asked and taken my advice, three of them solved their problems and lived happily ever after.

I have always known that advice is easier to give than it is to take. The “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink” cliche is more than appropriate, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand that if something isn’t working, you should change it.

I have found that most people would rather do nothing than to take a chance or do something that leads them into unfamiliar territory. I suppose that my experiences have led me down a path of understanding that some other people never venture down. Fear maybe a great motivator, but it is also the most powerful roadblock to success in any situation.

The biggest excuse I hear from people when, after they refuse to take my advice, they continually fail at life is, “You just don’t understand… its different for me!” The thing is, all problems are actually less complicated than people make them out to be. They infuse situations with a varied assortment of problems that are either trivial, or at worst, imagined.

The most popular problem I hear deals with happiness… how to find it or how to get it back.

To this problem I often say, “Happiness isn’t a destination.”

That may sound cryptic I suppose, but really its simple. You choose to be unhappy, consequently you can choose to be happy. Most people over complicate their lives and the pursuit of happiness is the first thing that gets overly complicated by our own perceptions and expectations.

Want to be happy? Simplify your life and you’re more likely to be happy. It really is that simple.

Let’s say, for the sake of argument, that you are in a dead end relationship… one that no longer brings you happiness… and you spend your days day dreaming about a life that was filled with happiness. You can complicate the situation by infusing the problem with fear of the unknown, timidity of purpose, lack of understanding, or even downright laziness. “I just don’t think i can find better…” or “I can’t just think about myself!”

The truth is, this situation has a simple solution in two parts. If you are with someone that doesn’t make you happy, part one is to leave them. Part two is discovering what makes you happy. Whatever other obstacles block your path are part of the journey on the road to happiness.

I know what you’re thinking… it isn’t that simple. But it is. You make things complicated because it allows you to DO NOTHING. Nothing in life comes without action. Few of us can say that the best things in our lives fell in our laps without any effort. Happiness is no different.

The only question someone should ask themselves when faced with the decision to remain unhappy or find happiness is, “Am I worth it?”

Once you can answer that question with a yes, the decisions become easier.

I am sure most families have members who cause problems. Whether its through action or inaction, some people just float through life causing problems of various kinds. I would imagine some do it out of spite, others through no fault of their own. They just seem to be followed by problems I suppose.

The worst possible time to deal with these people is when some kind of tragedy has transpired. When my grandfather passed away a few years ago, I remember how sad my father was, but it paled in comparison to how sad he was when he returned from the funeral.

It seems that his father was not but a few hours in the grave when his oldest brother began to bitch about the will, about who was invited to the funeral, about who was going to be responsible for the cost of wake, etc. The ensuing arguments did nothing to comfort those who were truly saddened by my grandfather’s passing.

When my father returned and told us stories of what happened, I wasn’t surprised. Most people see their parents passing not so much as a sad occasion, but an opportunity to ask, “What am I getting?”

I find my father alive infinitely more valuable than my father dead. No amount of money that he bestows upon me after he dies will make up for the fact that he is no longer able to call me up and tell me stories about his youth, or tales about what he ate for lunch. Every talk I have with my father these days is priceless. To think about his eventual passing brings me to the verge of a despair that I have not felt before, but what makes it worse is what I know to be true… and that is that someone in my family will only ask, “What am I getting?”

I do not wish to profit from anyone’s death. I am not rich by any stretch of the imagination, but I am not homeless nor hungry, but getting some lump sum from my father’s estate won’t make me rich nor will it make me feel better when he passes. I have explained as much to my father. That I prefer to remember him without having to do so with a check burning a hole in my pocket. Of course, my father, ever rational explained that what he does with his money is no concern of mine. Whether he uses it all for hookers and heroin in one big blowout before he goes or he gives it all to some random woman he just met on the internet or he gives it equally to my two brothers and I, it is his money to do with as he sees fit.

Completely and totally true.

Sometimes when people die around us, we lose sight of what is important and we cling to any idea that makes us feel the loss a little less. For some, the focus becomes how much they loved us and the proof for them is in what they get in the will. I understand that, but it is hopelessly selfish in my honest opinion. If my father had given everything he owned upon his death to a woman who brought him joy, I wouldn’t fault him or begrudge her. It is his money afterall and he should do with it as he pleases even from the grave. Thats what I know to be rational, but i can bet dollars to doughnuts that someone in my family will not be satisfied with rationale because death seems to bring about the crazy in all of us.

I have written previously about survival mechanisms. Survival mechanisms are the emotions/skills/mental states/instincts that we rely on when something bad/life threatening happens. By any measure, the way we function when the survival mechanisms kick in is who we REALLY are.

Most adults have waded through tragedy on the way to becoming adults. Although those tragedies are of varying degree (on one end of the scale is breaking a nail, on the other is losing a limb), how you react to them tells a great deal about who you are and whether or not you can be counted on in a crunch.

I fill my life with people who are highly functional survivors and tend to cut loose anyone who is a panic-stricken headless chicken. I often use the Desert Island Quotient (DIQ for short) to measure an individuals value to me. As horrible as it sounds, using the DIQ is a great way of getting rid of the worthless pieces of skin that can suck the life out of us at any given time.

The DIQ is based on 20 questions I ask myself about a person. Since most people can’t be trusted to tell the truth about themselves, it is better I ask and answer the questions. Upon meeting someone, I ask myself these TRUE or FALSE questions (or try to answer them as the information becomes available):

20. This person does NOT complain.

19. This person does NOT cry easily.

18. This person can follow directions.

17. This person is quick witted.

16. This person isn’t afraid to get dirty.

15. This person is not easily surprised.

14. This person is present focused.

13. This person has no basic disabilities (sight, hearing, etc).

12. This person is very aware of his/her surroundings.

11. This person is not prone to phobias.

10. This person is healthy/athletic.

09. This person is generally happy.

08. This person is calm.

07. This person views problems as opportunities.

06. This person recovers quickly from tragedy.

05. This person has good hand/eye coordination.

04. This person does not rely solely on brute force to succeed.

03. This person is comfortable in any environment.

02. This person is not timid.

01. This person adapts to changing situations easily.

I score this test as I go along, giving 5 points for True answers and 0 points for False answers. Anyone with a score lower than 80 is the type of person who I would NOT hesitate to suffocate in the middle of the night were we trapped on a deserted island (hence the name of my criteria).

I have little patience for weakness. Actually, i have very little patience in general, but nothing chaps my ass faster and as completely as someone who becomes locked down by tragedy or misfortune. I have met more than a few people who from all outward appearances are sane, stable, and self assured, but when the chips are down, they crumble like a tower of moist ritz crackers.

One other criteria I use, but is not on the test, is religious bent. I have found that those who worship their gods quietly are better in a pinch than those who tend to wear their religion on their sleeve. An example would be someone who quotes scripture at any opportunity. These people are a blight in survival situations. They scare the living bejesus out of the sheep and tend to work against the group. If you are a bible thumping, scripture quoting fanatic, chances are I would kill you outright before you had a chance to regale the group about how this was the apocalypse and you were chosen by god to lead us through the valley of death.

I am a big proponent of social darwinism (social darwinism implies that because natural selection is apparently no longer working on “civilized” people it was possible for “inferior” strains of people (who would normally be filtered out of the gene pool) to overwhelm the “superior” strains, and voluntary corrective measures would be desirable — social darwinism is the foundation of eugenics). I mention Social Darwinism simply because it is the constant softening of our evolutionary instincts through misguided morals and religious interference that makes it difficult to rely on people in survival situations.

Now some people mistake eugenics with the ideologies of Hitler. Hitler advocated RACIAL superiority, while eugenics promotes the idea of genetic superiority. Oftentimes when I get into a discussion about eugenics and the failure of natural selection, someone invariably points to Stephen Hawking to support the idea that voluntary corrective measures would have weeded out such a great mind. To this I often explain that had we never strayed from natural selection as a focus of civilization, Steven Hawking would have been born with that same great intellect and the body of Arnold Schwartzenegger.

In my estimation, the one defining moment in human evolution was the acceptance of religion as the moral compass we used to get to this point. Nothing has damned human evolution as thoroughly as the idea that we should protect the weak, an idea that is the cornerstone of most religions. If religion had never gotten involved in the course of human history, we would be on the verge of eliminating genetic diseases from our gene pool.

I have said it before, but when the world ends, we can surely blame religion.

I digress. Mandatory or Authoritarian Eugenics (what Hitler advocated) are practiced even if you don’t realize it. Most countries (the United States included) have laws against close relatives from marrying and having offspring. Most countries (the United States included) have laws preventing people with down’s syndrome from procreating. These are forms of preventing inferior genes from propagating. The moral argument against eugenics tends to crumble when certain ideas are introduced (such as incest and freedom to procreate regardless of mental accuity).

Am I wrong to think the way I do? I don’t view it as wrong, just much more honest than most people care to be.

I should add that if your world view deems that morals and compassion are what separates us from the animals, you are the exact type of “inferior” strain of human that has dumbed down humanity. Opposable thumbs and the ability to adapt are the hallmarks of humanity.

I can’t recall a time when movies were not a big part of my free time. Even as a child, going to the movies was a huge deal for me. It was both release and goal for me, which may explain why I love the medium as much as I do.

I enjoy art in all forms, but film has always drawn me in ways that music, paintings, sculpture, literature, and dance have never equaled. I could sit in a darkened theater for days on end and never miss being outside in the real world. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t wish to live in fantasy as much as I enjoy being transported by the medium.

Summer time of course is a great time to be a film fan. Blockbuster movies like those often released between May and September are often the most well-attended films released all year and with good reason. Summer time is always about entertainment and the bigger the production to ensure escaping whatever might be happening at the time is always a sure recipe for success.

This summer of course is no different. With so many movies being on my list of “must see” films, it would be impossible to see them all without giving up some of the other things I love. The ONE film that was not up for debate in terms of whether I would see it on the big screen was The Dark Knight. As I have stated before, Batman is the only superhero that has held my interest for as long as I have read comic books.

With Batman Begins, the franchise took a very different look at the caped crusader. Gone were the child like impressions of good and evil that permeated the Burton inspired films. Instead, Christopher Nolan (of Memento fame) dug deeper into the psychological undercurrent that drove the superhero. With The Dark Knight, Nolan explores the one true paradox of life… there can be no good without evil.. consequently, no evil without good.

Heath Ledger’s performance is stunning. So much so that I almost forgot the film was about Batman. If you have an opportunity to check this film out on the big screen… don’t miss it.