inherently different

Archive for August, 2008

I appreciate that McCain starts every speech with “my friends” because then I know he’s not talking to me and can stop listening. Defective Yeti Twitter

I have always been an emotional tampon. When friends and acquaintances have problems, they dump their problems on me and often ask my advice. Of the hundreds of times I have been asked for advice, I can count the number of times they have followed through and used that advice to solve their problems on three fingers. Of the three times someone has asked and taken my advice, three of them solved their problems and lived happily ever after.

I have always known that advice is easier to give than it is to take. The “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink” cliche is more than appropriate, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand that if something isn’t working, you should change it.

I have found that most people would rather do nothing than to take a chance or do something that leads them into unfamiliar territory. I suppose that my experiences have led me down a path of understanding that some other people never venture down. Fear maybe a great motivator, but it is also the most powerful roadblock to success in any situation.

The biggest excuse I hear from people when, after they refuse to take my advice, they continually fail at life is, “You just don’t understand… its different for me!” The thing is, all problems are actually less complicated than people make them out to be. They infuse situations with a varied assortment of problems that are either trivial, or at worst, imagined.

The most popular problem I hear deals with happiness… how to find it or how to get it back.

To this problem I often say, “Happiness isn’t a destination.”

That may sound cryptic I suppose, but really its simple. You choose to be unhappy, consequently you can choose to be happy. Most people over complicate their lives and the pursuit of happiness is the first thing that gets overly complicated by our own perceptions and expectations.

Want to be happy? Simplify your life and you’re more likely to be happy. It really is that simple.

Let’s say, for the sake of argument, that you are in a dead end relationship… one that no longer brings you happiness… and you spend your days day dreaming about a life that was filled with happiness. You can complicate the situation by infusing the problem with fear of the unknown, timidity of purpose, lack of understanding, or even downright laziness. “I just don’t think i can find better…” or “I can’t just think about myself!”

The truth is, this situation has a simple solution in two parts. If you are with someone that doesn’t make you happy, part one is to leave them. Part two is discovering what makes you happy. Whatever other obstacles block your path are part of the journey on the road to happiness.

I know what you’re thinking… it isn’t that simple. But it is. You make things complicated because it allows you to DO NOTHING. Nothing in life comes without action. Few of us can say that the best things in our lives fell in our laps without any effort. Happiness is no different.

The only question someone should ask themselves when faced with the decision to remain unhappy or find happiness is, “Am I worth it?”

Once you can answer that question with a yes, the decisions become easier.

I am sure most families have members who cause problems. Whether its through action or inaction, some people just float through life causing problems of various kinds. I would imagine some do it out of spite, others through no fault of their own. They just seem to be followed by problems I suppose.

The worst possible time to deal with these people is when some kind of tragedy has transpired. When my grandfather passed away a few years ago, I remember how sad my father was, but it paled in comparison to how sad he was when he returned from the funeral.

It seems that his father was not but a few hours in the grave when his oldest brother began to bitch about the will, about who was invited to the funeral, about who was going to be responsible for the cost of wake, etc. The ensuing arguments did nothing to comfort those who were truly saddened by my grandfather’s passing.

When my father returned and told us stories of what happened, I wasn’t surprised. Most people see their parents passing not so much as a sad occasion, but an opportunity to ask, “What am I getting?”

I find my father alive infinitely more valuable than my father dead. No amount of money that he bestows upon me after he dies will make up for the fact that he is no longer able to call me up and tell me stories about his youth, or tales about what he ate for lunch. Every talk I have with my father these days is priceless. To think about his eventual passing brings me to the verge of a despair that I have not felt before, but what makes it worse is what I know to be true… and that is that someone in my family will only ask, “What am I getting?”

I do not wish to profit from anyone’s death. I am not rich by any stretch of the imagination, but I am not homeless nor hungry, but getting some lump sum from my father’s estate won’t make me rich nor will it make me feel better when he passes. I have explained as much to my father. That I prefer to remember him without having to do so with a check burning a hole in my pocket. Of course, my father, ever rational explained that what he does with his money is no concern of mine. Whether he uses it all for hookers and heroin in one big blowout before he goes or he gives it all to some random woman he just met on the internet or he gives it equally to my two brothers and I, it is his money to do with as he sees fit.

Completely and totally true.

Sometimes when people die around us, we lose sight of what is important and we cling to any idea that makes us feel the loss a little less. For some, the focus becomes how much they loved us and the proof for them is in what they get in the will. I understand that, but it is hopelessly selfish in my honest opinion. If my father had given everything he owned upon his death to a woman who brought him joy, I wouldn’t fault him or begrudge her. It is his money afterall and he should do with it as he pleases even from the grave. Thats what I know to be rational, but i can bet dollars to doughnuts that someone in my family will not be satisfied with rationale because death seems to bring about the crazy in all of us.