inherently different

Archive for June, 2008

Fantastic Ride – Coolio
There was a time when random stuff would happen to me, and I, being good at condensing the experience into a few thousand words, would write about it here. Clearly, those days are long behind me.

I really don’t know what happened. There really is only one of two explanations. I am either more boring (less stuff is happening to me or around me) or I don’t quite know how to express it in an entertaining way.

I could talk about my conversations with my simple-minded neighbor, or wax poetic about the variety of interesting police actions that occur in our condo complex on a regular basis. The thing is, most of those stories aren’t entertaining as much as they are tragic.

In my defense, i work from home so my sphere of influence is greatly reduced. My day to day social interactions consist with my friends online or with the Red Queen when she arrives home from work. Most of those interactions are tentatively off limits since these are people who read this drivel consistently and as such, could jeopardize my very existence.

I will try in the coming weeks to get out of the house more.. explore, interact, destroy… you know, like the old days.

It’s No Good – Depeche Mode
Tonight the Red Queen and I watched 27 Dresses, the romantic comedy about a woman who was always a bridesmaid, but never a bride. In the interest of full disclosure, I have to admit the film was entertaining, and ultimately, that is the only standard by which a film should be measured.

But the one thing that kept me from truly enjoying the film was knowing that the film was developed for the sole reason of tapping the biggest cash cow in the industry: Women who have unrealistic expectations of relationships and love. They are legion and they are powerful. Some day, when the world ends, you can be sure that a woman, depressed about her romantic life, will be behind it.

To just gain an insight into how well Hollywood understands the idea of women as consumers, one of the highest grossing films of the year is a movie based on a popular cable show about a gaggle of materialistic shrews living, working and fucking in New York. Any woman with even a microbe of self respect coursing through her veins would avoid such role models, but unfortunately, we live in a world that values fame over substance. Hollywood does its part to promote this culture of celebrity, but still, they are only selling what people are willing to buy. And women stand in lines blocks long to be saturated with visions of perfect love and perfect shoes.

The highest grossing film of all time, Titanic, is a romantic drama. Not a movie about aliens destroying the Earth, or cute robots joining a rebellion to fight an evil empire, or adventurers racing to uncover the mysteries of the universe… its about a rich, lonely, white woman falling for the roguish, but handsome lower class hero. This is the fantasy that all women want… they want to be swept away by the passion and emotion of the Hollywood fairy tale without any of the day-to-day rigors of maintaining a healthy relationship. Which is essentially why most women born after 1960 will have at least 2 marriages in their lifetime. While I have no empirical data to support my hypothesis, I bet I am not far off.

Most of the women I know around my age have been married at least once, quite a few of them twice, and as many as four of them have been married three times. I don’t believe it is because they are not good people. I believe the reason why they fail is because they have incredibly unrealistic expectations when it comes to relationships. Most of them like the idea, the concept, the fantasy of a marriage, but lack the mental bandwidth to understand that a marriage isn’t roses and champagne every day. In fact, I would argue that any adult, sexually exclusive relationship is 360 days of mundane experiences, and 5 perfect days per year. Anything more than that would be an amazing accomplishment.

As you can probably tell, I am anti marriage. I believe that no relationship is improved by marriage. A wise man once said that a marriage is union forged between a woman who thinks she can change her man, and a man who thinks his woman will never change. I doubt truer words have ever been spoken/written.

And just because I like it, here is a picture of a waterfall on the other side of the island…

Cold Play: God Put A Smile On Your Face

I know that a good portion of my readership is female (based solely on the number of comments/email I receive from women). I can’t lay claim to having any understanding why that is since I think that I am about as sensitive as a concrete floor. Perhaps it has to do with my no nonsense advice or my vast knowledge of women’s shoes. I try not to think about why I am popular with the ladies for fear that whatever mojo I may have will disappear if I look at it too closely.

One thing I do know about women though is they should never read any magazine that offers advice on how to live their life or manage their careers. For instance, any women who reads cosmo and actually BELIEVES any of the shit in that piece of shit magazine deserves the pain and misery that rains down upon them as a result.

Now, reading that shit for entertainment purposes is all well and good. My GF just recently got a bunch of free/cheap magazine subscriptions and one of them was cosmo. She reads it, but she also understands that most of the excrement in that magazine is based in version of reality that is shared by tabloid magazines with pictures of bigfoot and elvis drinking lattes in a starbucks in Bangladesh on the cover.

But… there are some women who actually read the articles in cosmo and actually believe that stuff… CHRIST ON A FUCKING RITZ! As hard as it is to believe, there are some people who either have no understanding of context or simply think anything with professional typesetting is gospel truth.

My previous relationship was with a woman who read those articles and took the advice. I can tell you that everytime I saw one of those magazines laying about the house, I cringed knowing that at some point, she would ask me something that was prompted by some literary garbage printed in that magazine. More often than not, whatever it is that the magazine told her to say/ask me prompted an argument because I did not answer her question in the way that the magazine said a good significant other should answer. Worse yet, all her buffalo-assed girlfriends read the magazine and chimed in with their advice on relationships (given that all her buffalo-assed girlfriends were single, why she would consider their advice as valid is beyond me) based on the magazine articles.

Ladies, please… if you are reading this, stop reading that crap or if you insist on reading that garbage, don’t bother your significant other with the dog shit information you find in the magazine. Your relationship will be happier and healthier.

Gorillaz: Dare

There is a really good article in the May 08 issue of Esquire about saying no. How liberating and empowering it is to just say no. Saying no, for most people, does not come naturally. Some people hate to disappoint or want to be liked, so they say yes often and to their detriment.

I have never had a problem saying no, but when I was younger, I had a hard time deciding when to say no. I was imperfect in my pursuit of the perfect no. I also tended to say no and explain why.

The article explains that saying no shouldn’t require an explanation. That you should be free to say no with no explanation as to your motivations and I totally agree. Most people when they hear no suddenly begin bargaining or looking for ways to convince you to say yes. When you won’t change your mind or when you say no without an explanation, people get downright pissed and it is actually quite funny.

Now that I am older I am much better equipped to simply say no when I don’t feel like doing something. I still on occasion offer an explanation, but I believe I am getting better at just saying no and leaving it at that. Like the article says though, it is very empowering.

I have often wondered why exactly people say yes, when they really mean no… or at least want to say no, but say yes instead. I know that some people just don’t want to disappoint others and do things they would normally not do if they could avoid the blow back from saying no. When I finally stopped giving a rat’s ass about other people and started to simply function on a plane of existence that put my needs/wants/feelings/happiness first, I began by saying no when I meant no. That was the first step to true happiness for me. I would imagine that if more people got into the habit of living their lives without doing things they don’t want to do, there would be a lot more happy people out there.

Now, I am not advocating being selfish or self involved… thats a whole different idea than the one I am expressing. I believe in being true to yourself and understanding that no matter what you do, both good and bad, people will form an opinion of you that you cannot control. As such, it is better to be yourself, take care of yourself, and do only those things that bring you happiness than to live for other people and ignore your own needs. Afterall, if you are not happy, how can you possibly bring happiness into another person’s life?

Get into the habit of saying no and see if your world view doesn’t improve.