inherently different

You know that American Idol contestant? Moesha? No, wait. It’s Jasmine. Yeah. Anyway, people here are nuts about her. They have articles daily in the Maui News it seems like. The thing is, I’m guessing it isn’t for any other reason other than she is a local girl. While I didn’t watch the show this season, I’ve heard she can’t sing.

Very asian-centric attitudes are prevalent. If you’re asian, you get at least 15 minutes of fame on the islands, whether you deserve it or not. I’m lucky in so much as my skin color and facial structure can be mistaken for Pacific Islander so I won’t get as much ‘tude as my haole girlfriend will. I’m gonna have to teach her to speak pidgin so she’ll blend in better.

I haven’t driven a car consistently since 1995. I haven’t had a valid driver’s license since 1998. Since I lived on Russian Hill in San Francisco a car (and by extension) a driver’s license were pretty useless most of the time.

I can’t get away without either anymore since public transportation is almost non-existant here on Maui. To get anywhere on this island, you need a motorized vehicle.

I had visions of riding around the island like Lilo & Stitch, you know, on a Big Wheel from place to place. Apparently, the local constable’s frown on 38 year-old men riding around on Big Wheels.

“When in Rome,” a wise man once said, “do as the Romans do!”

Of course, if you’re in Hawaii, doing as the Hawaiians do could get your ass handed to you on a plate, Poi optional.

It is funny. When I first moved up to the Bay Area from San Diego, it was difficult for me to adjust to strangers on the street looking me in the eye and saying hello. I’ve become used to it living in the city of San Francisco. Now, here, on Maui, no one looks you in the eye. I try, I make eye contact and the few who look back, think I’m challenging them to a fight to the death. Well, the males anyway. The females look at me with disgust… that isn’t unusual since I’m a fucking troll but still, I thought I would blend in with all the other trolls who inhabit this island.

Does anyone need anything from the islands? I’ll send you a paradise care package. In exchange, I’ll expect someone to ship me a Zachary’s Stuffed Pizza.

This is Charley Young Beach in Kihei. This particular beach is one of my favorite beaches on the entire island of Maui. Mostly because that it is relatively secluded and few tourists frequent its pristine shoreline. Also, it doesn’t have the sewage problems that many of the beaches on the southside of the island have.

I like it because it has a decent shorebreak that I can skimboard and it is about two blocks east of Cove Park which is where many people (local and tourist alike) learn to surf. This is facet is important because it means that locals won’t kick the shit out of a non-local who surfs this break. There are a number of reasons not to surf in Hawaii. Sewage, locals only attitude and treacherous reefs are probably the easiest to acknowledge. The other is the time suck factor. When I lived in San Diego I tended to put surfing above a lot of other activities like school, work and day-to-day responsibilities like eating, bathing, acknowledging other humans.

There are two other condos I need to check out this week. One is about 50 feet from the entrance to Charley Young Beach and the other is further up the road toward Wailea where all the resorts are. Another good reason to live here is the proximity to these resorts. The Red Queen should be able to find a spa to ply her trade and if writing the next great American Novel doesn’t work out for me, I could get a job working at one of the resorts as a camp counselor… Yeah, I know what you’re thinking… “E? A camp couselor? Working with kids?”

Well, it would surprise me too.

I’ve been here since Thursday. I’ve had intermittant internet access for a few days but to be honest, these people seem to be stuck in a time warp. You can’t possibly image how hard it is to find high-speed access on this island. I finally had to discuss the situation with a local I-Net provider. The conversation went something like this… ME: So, high-speed for your company means any connection that’s 56K or better? Local Internet Guy (LIG): Bruddah. You on Maui now, yeah? You on island time now, yeah? ME: What the holy kamole does that mean? LIG: You be patient, yeah? ME: Look, you promised me that I could get access in 24 hours or less. LIG: 24 Hour long time bruddah. Long time on da island, yeah? ME: What the fuck you keep saying “Yeah” after every fucking sentence? Are you retarded? [click]

Apparently, they don’t like it when you cuss at them. I think he’s sending over a few pipe-hitting Somoans on over to hammer me into a bag of poi with the DSL Modem. This island living thing might be really fun. Read the rest of this entry »