Life is rarely ever what it promises to be. As a child, outside of the incessant worrying about this shadow or that noise, the prevailing thought on a new mind is that the world is big. So big that it can’t all be taken in at once. Every turn of the head, every focus of the eyes brings to light a new object requiring attention and definition. Little minds see this vast expanse of possibility and think, “Holy shit, I’m in trouble now!”
At least that was my first thought upon registering life after the womb. Here, for the first time, I had responsibility. I was now in control of my own destiny, well as far as that destiny involved eating and defecating. Granted all I needed to do was speak the universally understood language of screaming for my bidding to be done, but because I needed to do something (cry) for something else to happen (accessing food), theoretically I had responsibility for myself. This would unfortunately set a precedent that would have lasting impact on my life.
Responsibility is and has always been, overrated. It is a tried and true fact that the more responsible you are the more likely people are to trust you when the chips are down. Of course, in my experience, that sad fact only yields a growing pile of other people’s chips at your feet.
I have always been the responsible one… the one friends and family look to when things go wrong. No matter if the problem is trivial or significant, the line for my insight is often always busy. I am and have always been, an emotional tampon. People spew their problems and I soak them up. While I almost always offer advice that will solve their problem, I don’t think anyone has ever actually taken my advice. I realize this isn’t a slight against me, but instead, an indication of what people are really like. People do not want answers, they only want to be heard. They want someone to listen and pat them on the back and say gently, “It will all be ok!” Of course, I never say that. Mostly because that is a lie, and I never lie.
People are sheep and they tend to want to bleat just so the other sheep know they are still kicking. I have discovered something, which I will now share with you… when you hold a conversation with someone, few people are actually listening… they are just waiting to talk. I have had my fair share of arguments with people… heck, you can check my comments and find 3 or 4 dozen comment flame wars I have held with people… but I always listen to their position. I do this not because I actually care what they think, but because people will usually hang themselves if you give them enough rope… to find those little verbal or written nooses, you have to listen. What better way to turn people’s words against them than to actually listen/read what they have to say.
I know people will say that I am just an asshole. I don’t mind people labeling me. All that means is that I can more easily manipulate them later because they have underestimated me.