Ten Famous People Who I Would Gladly Skull Fuck If Skull Fucking Wasn’t Illegal… In no particular order…
Michelle Malkin: It is bad enough that she wrote a book extolling the virtue of interning Japanese Americans during World War II, but what makes it worse is that she thinks that republicans will remember her as a patriot when the dust settles. I’m of the mindset that this useless bag of estrogen is simply a republican hand puppet that sought and found a quick and easy path to notoriety. It was either tow the republican line or take a job as a bottle opener… Think I’m kidding? Find a picture and look at her horse teeth!
Oprah Winfrey: I’ve blasted this media whore more often than her alleged boyfriend steadman frequents gay bars. When she isn’t acting as a beard for her obviously gay ex-fiance, she is single handedly dumbing down American women. I’m pretty sure that she just reaches into a bag filled with books to choose her book club offerings. The latest scandal involving A Million Little Pieces writer James Frey shows just how completely out of sync with reality Oprah can be. Throw in the fact that she created "Dr." Phil from whole cloth and you get an understanding of the danger posed by self-promoting fuck buckets like Oprah.
Bill O’Reilly: If you are an unrepentant Democrat, Bill O’Reilly is among the most despised people on the planet. If you’re a republican, he is the messiah. I’m not too concerned with politics though. My beef with him is his hypocrisy. While he portrays himself as a patriot and a morally superior person, the truth is he’s a sexual deviant and morally bankrupt instigator who badgers guests all for the sake of ratings. Throw in the fact that he’s a self promoter on par with Oprah and you’ve got the kind of empty brain pan that makes skull fucking not only possible, but highly enjoyable.
Ann Coulter: Two words: Misguided Cunt… Oh if I could only stop there! Truth is I wouldn’t skull fuck this boob job enhanced skeleton with a borrowed dick unless what passes for her brain were surgically removed first. Even a avowed skull fucker like yours truly has standards.
Pat Robertson: This televangelist is quite possibly the most reprehensible human being on the face of the planet. That he controls a vast and powerful organization capable of unparalleled hate makes me truly wish there was a god. Surely if there was one, Pat Robertson would be plagued with the worst case of hemorrhoids ever documented by modern science.
Paris Hilton: Why is this piece of shit famous? Seriously… After numerous men have come forward with video after video of Paris getting bukkake treatments, you would think most people would be afraid to shake her hand much less kiss her lopsided face. If I saw her getting fucked by a donkey down in TJ, I’d call animal welfare in a heartbeat.
Sarah Jessica Parker: This vapid actress has single-handedly lowered both the collective IQ and glass ceiling for women the world over. Considering how many times I’ve heard women call Carrie Bradshaw, the carefree harlot Parker portrayed on TV, as a role model, you’d think women are more concerned with shoes and getting fucked four ways to sunday by Mr. Big than they are about such things as business, culture and equality.
Isaac Mizrahi: Why is it that the gayest man on the planet got to feel up Scarlett "Tits" Johansson? Proving once again that gay men have more fulfilling lives than us hapless losers that sit at home and wish we could feel Scarlett Johansson’s tits in front of the world.
Brett Ratner: Exactly why a director whose main claim to fame is directing a Mariah Carey music video and the homo-erotic TV show Prison Break was given the reins of the most successful comic-book-to-movie franchise in history is anyone’s guess. He’s gonna fuck it up I JUST KNOW IT! Tool!
Kevin Federline: Britney is a fucking whore, but no one deserves this hillbilly for a husband. The fact that he is shamelessly riding her fame to launch a career as a rapper is beyond ridiculous. Every black man on the planet should kick this fuckers ass back to the Ozarks as quickly and quietly as possible. If the fact that he is attempting to rap isn’t reason enough, he bedded ex-Moesha actress Shar Jackson before she got ugly and fat.