I realize that I’m not the typical Maui resident. I’m not a geriatric nor am I a linguistically challenged meathead. Physically, my best days are slowly shrinking in the rear view mirror, but I’m still the sharpest tool in this shed.
I’ve been stewing for these last few hours about how incredibly fucktarded some people can be here on Maui. Not just cockknocking neighbors with pisspoor vertical parking abilities either. The typical Maui resident has the mental capacity of a bowl of fruit. Tropical fruit, but fruit nonetheless. I’m faced with this fact whenever I have to sally forth and interact with the natives. Most people on Maui, both local kines and haole (native islanders and white people), speak in a dialect that is so offensive to my ear, that it’s all I can do to keep from developing a plague capable of wiping them all off the planet.
Let me give you some examples:
Minors (My nuz): Not a big deal. "No, got a ride? Minors, brah, I pick you up, eh?"
No Make li’dat (No Make Lye Dat): Don’t act that way. "Eh, you no make li’dat!"
Bumbye (bum buy): Soon. It’s the only measurement of time on Maui. "Bumbye, we go ovah."
Moke (moke): Big one local boy who crush your head like coconut. Male counterpart to TITA.
TITA (Tee Ta): Female with a special way of putting things. Usually asskickery ensues when she gets mad.
There are many more. I hear it all the time and it sounds like someone is feeding broken glass to a cat. If I had to choose one thing that makes living here difficult, it is the fact that a large portion of the population is dumber than a box of dead batteries. Not everyone of course, but enough to push me the wrong way.