I curse like a whore with tourettes, but when I was a kid, my dad forbid cursing in the house. Like anyone who lives under the soul crushing weight of authority, once free of the bonds of supervision, I experimented heavily. My favorite curse word these days is cocksucker.
According to Wikipedia.org, cocksucker is considered by some, along with motherfucker, to be one of the strongest insults in the English language. When all else fails, and you can’t be bothered to be more creative with your insult, cocksucker is a great word to have in your back pocket. It works for both men and women, young and old, republican or democrat. It is without a doubt, the most versatile curse word in the English language. The British prefer cunt, but that word has too much baggage here in America. I like cunt too, but cocksucker is just so poetic.
It is a word that is at home in any environment… for instance:
At the horse races: Look at the cocksucker go!
In the courtroom: That cocksucker hit me first!
In the bedroom: You’re one sexy cocksucker!
Okay, maybe that last one is a bit of a stretch… although my girlfriend laughed when I said that just now. It’s always good to test your material in front of a live audience. I digress.
The word cocksucker has the distinction of playing a role in jurisprudence. In 1961 Lenny Bruce was arrested in San Francisco for violating the California Obscenity Code when he used the word cocksucker onstage. During the subsequent court proceedings, the word cocksucker, as well as motherfucker, cunt, tits, shit and others, were uttered more times than you might find in a season’s worth of Sopranos episodes. I would have loved to have been in that courtroom.
Cocksucker figures prominently in my new favorite show: Deadwood. I don’t have cable, but when the entire first season became available on DVD, I watched every episode back to back to back. What the Soprano’s is to the word fuck, Deadwood is to the word cocksucker. I lost count after 230 instances, and that was just up to episode 8. Needless to say, my favorite character, Al Swearengen, played by Ian McShane, utters the word cocksucker at least once in every scene he’s in. You gotta love a character with that kind of commitment to his craft.
If I had a kid, I’d teach him to say cocksucker first. Not for the shock value, but because I think everyone should have at least one good curse word in their repertoire. Can you imagine my imaginary kid in his pre-school class?
Teacher: Okay kids, it’s nap time! Who’s ready?
Lil E: Naptime? What kind of cocksucker needs a nap in the middle of the day?
Yeah, I agree with you… it would be great.
* Honestly and truly, this is the title of a song (like all my post titles for the last few months) by Goldfinger.