Various things have happened on this day in history. For instance:
In 2003 Fire broke out during a rock concert at a nightclub in West Warwick, R.I., killing one hundred people and injuring about 200 others. The phrase “The band was on fire!” is no longer an acceptable way of complimenting Great White.
In 1997 The “Empire Strikes Back, special edition” premieres. Millions of geeks rejoice.
In 1991 The USSR announces Iraq has agreed to a proposal to end Persian Gulf War. The US calls the plan unacceptable. George Bush snorts his first line of the morning in celebration.
In 1989 Pete Rose meets with Commissioner Ueberroth to discuss his gambling addiction. Vegas takes odds on whether that’s a good idea.
In 1988 During a live TV broadcast, televangelist Jimmy Swaggart (age 52) admitted to visiting a prostitute, then announced he would be leaving his ministry for an unspecified length of time to explore ministering to the pimps and hos he had befriended.
In 1987 Syrian army marches into Beirut under the guise of tourists looking for cheap Falafels.
In 1986 AIDS patient Ryan White returns to classes at Western Middle School where his classmates quickly call him Ryan “No” White “Cells.”
In 1983 NBA San Diego Clippers begin a 29 game road losing streak and San Diegans are surprised to hear they have an NBA team.
In 1981 “Yorkshire Ripper” Peter Sutcliffe, murderer of 13 women, captured. In a display of understatement, Sutcliffe claims he only wanted to be held.
In 1979 2 Iowa girls High School basketball teams play 4 scoreless quarters; the game was won 4-2 in the 4th overtime period.
In 1974 Israeli forces leave western Suez claiming a previous engagement in New York for the opening of Cats on Broadway.
In 1972 Richard Nixon becomes 1st US President to visit China. Unable to hold still for a photo, Nixon inspires a plastic Taiwanese sculptor to invent bobbleheads.
In 1971 Series of tornadoes cuts through Mississippi & Louisiana killing 117. The death toll could have been higher, but the tornadoes couldn’t find anymore trailerparks in the area.
In 1970 Jackson 5 make TV debut on “American Bandstand.” Michael Jackson actually looks black for the last time ever.
In 1969 1st launching of heavy N-1 rocket at Baikonur Kazachstan (explodes). Russians claim the vodka to be used for fuel was instead consumed by the crew.
In 1968 150,000 demonstrate against leftist students in West-Berlin. Rightist students protest the protest calling for equal time.
In 1966 I was born and began my quest to insult as many people as humanly possible.
Today, I will do absolutely nothing in honor of all that has happened before. I just wish my younger brother could be able to take back at least one of the things that happened on his birthday. No one ever seems to pay much attention to you when your birthday falls on September 11.