There are reasons to take comfort in a Bush win. As a little less than 50% of our nation mourns the perceptive loss of an opportunity to regain some level of respect from the international community, I have come up with the Top 10 Reasons To Celebrate Another 4 Years of Bush.
10. Terrorists can take comfort in the fact they will be employed for at least the next four years.
09. Military personel can look forward to four more years of traveling to exotic lands, meeting interesting people and killing them.
08. Religious zealots have someone who is equally misguided by voices in the White House.
07. Late Night Comedy Show hosts will have four more years of material hand fed to them by the Bush administration.
06. Investors in Home Depot will see huge profits as Americans purchase materials to build safe rooms and bomb shelters.
05. All those other countries will finally realize the error of their ways.
04. Anyone under the age of 40 can finally stop worrying about whether there will be Social Security money available to them when they retire.
03. Since most of the world’s trees will be dead, burned for fuel or harvested to build houses, allergy sufferers have one less allergen producing organism ruining their lives.
02. Women will finally realize this is a man’s world and they shouldn’t enjoy basic freedoms like the right to choose what is and isn’t right for their bodies.
01. Baby Jesus can now sleep comfortably knowing that a man of integrity is watching out for the world’s poor, disenfranchised, persecuted and terrorized. Whew.